Being "still'.

What a crazy, mixed up, emotional roller coaster of a week.

Little Johnny has been gone all week at Science Camp... and my Mama has been in the hospital... my house is a mess, I haven't been cooking much, and I hate worrying...

SOOOOO... I decided to just let go... and let God.  Whew... that feels soooo much better.... Now if I can just keep from taking it back from Him... I'll be great!

I learned a lot this week.   Not that I didn't know this before... but I'm an emotional eater... THE OPPOSITE kind... I don't eat AT ALL... when I'm stressed, worried or in a hurry... quite the contrary... I have no appetite at all, and FORGET to eat... imagine that!  ME... forgetting to eat!!!

So... I now know why I've gained all this weight... I'VE BEEN TO DANG HAPPY!  LOL!  No... just kidding...

I am very, very, very well taken care of by my husband... which allows me to the opportunity to totally focus my energies on raising our sons, and being their Mama full time... and taking care of business on the home front...
Sounds great huh?  Well.... you'd think...

BUT... that led me to put MYSELF on the back burner for a little too long... I was taking care of them, and NOT taking care of myself... THAT'S no way to be a good role model.  To truly love others... one must first love herself... enough to take care of herself and make sure she is around for a long time... to see the fruits of her labor...  I finally figured out... the hard way... that it does no good to raise good men... if I can't be with them when they ARE men... to enjoy the spoils of Motherhood and to one day enjoy grandchildren...

While my Mama was laying in her hospital bed, and I was able to be there with her all day, every day... I started to cry... Why? Because I was overwhelmed by the fact that I got the PRIVILEGE of being able to be with her, with no strings to pull me away like a job or little children who needed me... and I was overwhelmed with the gift I was given.  Don't get me wrong... we do not live in a huge house, or drive brand new cars every other year, nor do we buy things on time,  but we live within our means with no debt at all, and I got so emotional and weepy at the fact that I've been so taken care of by God and my husband...that I didn't honor those gifts by taking care of myself...

I am so happy to have finally pulled my head out of my proverbial butt!

God whispers things to us, and we have to be still to listen... and if we are running around, taking care of things, putting out fires, helping others all the time, and not helping ourselves a little too... he starts to SCREAM... and the screams can come in ways that MAKE us stop and reflect and just "be", so we can HEAR what's being said.

So this week... among the beeps, and whirring, and IV drips, and my Mama's gentle sleep, I heard the whispers...and the convictions, and the gratitude, and the overwhelming feeling of peace that I have so desperately been looking for this week.

It will all be okay.  Mama will heal.  She will be better than before.  Johnny will come home safely, my new business will thrive. My sons will grow up to be great men...  People that have hurt and wronged me... will get what they deserve... and I will lose the rest of this weight...forever...

It just took being still... for a little while.  Breathe in... breathe out... breathe in ... breathe out... Close your eyes...
and just 'BE'. 
It's a gift... take it.